Eternally Arnie
By: MICK ELLIOTT
Media General News Service

AUGUSTA, Ga. — A cigarette will dangle from Arnold Palmer’s lips. He’ll hitch up his pants, step to the first tee box at Augusta National and unleash a mighty slash. The golf ball will arch high and hard over the treetops.

He will then stride purposefully down the fairway, a man with his own army.

Close your eyes and watch.

OK, in truth this morning will look nothing like that when at 7:45 Palmer signals the beginning of the 71st Masters as its new honorary starter, hitting a single ceremonial drive to drop the green flag for a field of 97 golfers.

With 50 Masters competitions behind him, Palmer is 77 and those once-huge forearms no longer bulge and his steps are more measured. His last competitive Masters appearance was in 2004 when he shot 84-84. There will be no inner voice urging him to carve that opening tee ball into the right side of the fairway, better to set up the ensuing approach shot.

“You know, I’m not too smart, but I’m not stupid,” he said. “I think I’ll just let it go wherever it goes.”

That will be back, back, way back into time.

Eternally Arnie. He may not look the same, but to anyone at Augusta National today who remembers any of those four Masters victories, and the excitement generated by every muscled swing of Palmer’s prime, nothing about him has changed.

Palmer’s legendary image is written in Augusta green. This is where he became the King, where he taught people how to see golf as a spectator sport. It’s where he and Jack Nicklaus butted heads. Augusta loves Arnie. Arnie loves it back.

“I think all of you know what Augusta means to me,” he said.

Rightful Place

So he agreed to return this year with his clubs, accepting the invitation to resume a tradition perpetuated by late greats Byron Nelson, Gene Sarazen and Sam Snead, but left vacant since Snead last got things started in 2002.

“A place where he belongs,” Augusta National chairman Billy Payne said. “Among thousands who traced their love of the game to his inspiration.”

There is hope that Palmer’s presence on the first tee will cause Nicklaus to reconsider his vow never to be a ceremonial golfer. With Palmer in the lead, it is imagined that as soon as Gary Player, making his 50th Masters start today, competes for the final time, he will be there, too.

It might be enough to turn back the clock. Ceremonial drives turn into ceremonial second shots, followed by ceremonial one putts for birdies. Then it will be on to the ceremonial second hole. And finally the ceremonial sudden-death playoff.

No one is going to suggest the competitive spirit isn’t there to make it happen.

Official Ruling

Reminded that Player’s 50th Masters appearance sets him up to next year eclipse Palmer’s record, the King handed down a judgment.

“If he’s not embarrassed, then I won’t be embarrassed for him,” Palmer laughed.

“He just wants to do one better and that’s fine. But he can’t touch my record.”

The reason for that, Palmer correctly reports, is that Player missed one year — 1973 — interrupting a consecutive streak.

“So that’s the end of that,” Palmer said.

Player, however, is still going strong, promising to continue playing. What if, Palmer was asked, Player should have another 30 appearances left in him?

Palmer’s face contorted as he appeared to actually be weighing the possibility. Then he answered.

“Who gives a [squat]?” he said. “If you can’t win, it doesn’t matter.”

Palmer breaks into a hearty roar.

Close your eyes. He’s coming up 18.

MICK ELLIOTT is a staff writer for The Tampa Tribune